Little Lion Man
by whispertoascream333
Summary: Eli pays a visit to Fitz in the hospital after he tried to commit suicide. ONE SHOT Please review


_Weep, little lion man you're not as brave as you were at the start..._

For the past three weeks Eli had been living inside his own personal hell. Each day he was hit by some form of bad nes. Every day blurred together and nothing made the slightest bit of sense. Eli was growing sick and impatiemt of this lifestyle. Two days prior, Eli honestly believed that things were going to turn around. He had paid a visit to Julia's grave. It was by far one of, if not the, hardest things he had ever done in his life. He had finally been brave enough to face his biggest personal demon head on. Eli had skipped town and gone to say his final farewell to the girl who shaped the person he was now. It was the only way he could finally end the chapter and turn to a new page. The pain of the visit still lingered in his heart but it was receeding. The trip was vital and Eli knew it would get better in time. He could still feel the grainy yet smooth texture of Julia's headstone on his fingertips. His heartbeat quickened at the memory. Eli sat upright in his bed as the weight of everything came crashing down on him. He grasped his throat softly. He has been hoping it was a nightmare but his tear-drenced pillow and sore eyes had let him know that it was all real. The horrific events of last night and the day before had in fact taken place.

Eli groaned and closed his eyes as it replayed in his mind. He though back to the talks he had with Immy. He thought of his late night discussion with Clare. His mind drifted back to Fitz. His heart sank as he thought the name. Although he nad Fitz never got along, Eli still felt worried about him. No one has heard from Fitz in two days, not since he publicly spoke of taking his own life. Eli knew that this was not a hoax. It saddened him to see that Fitz was hurting so much that he would contemplate...Eli couldn't even think the word. He shook his head in a poor attempt to clear it. His mind flickered back to all his fights with Fitz. Eli felt sick to his stomach recapping the words the two boys had exchanged out of anger. Death threats and constant reminders of each others personal scars lingered in his thoughts. He was overcome with regret. Eli knew his constant jabs at Fitz's personal life and the fact that he was dating Clare played a role in Fitz's anguish. It was a difficult truth to accept but Eli could not deny that he had played a hand in all of this.

Clare was set to go to Fitz's house this morning. He had indicated that there was an item she needed to collect. Eli did not know what to make of it. The cryptic style in which it was done made Eli feel uneasy. Whatever the item in question was, he knew it had to be of extreme importance. He had volunteered to go with Clare if she needed it. However Clare wanted to make th trip alone and Eli respected that. He of all people knew the emotions involved in something this serious. It was the same reason he took off and went to visit Julia. He didn't want anyone to be around for that private moment. Eli didn't know how he was going to react and the idea of having someone around for that intimate moment...it would have felt like an intrusion. Something like this needed to be handled alone. He could see her view hundred percent. All Eli could do was sit back and wait until she called upon him. He would be there at a moment's notice for her if she every needed it.

The anticipation for today was riding high. He knew he needed to visit Jenna in the hospital. Most of all he and Clare had a doctor's appointment that had the potential to change their lives forever. Eli tried not to dwell on that until the time came. He couldn't afford to have his mind leave him today. No, Eli needed to stay in control of his emotions. He ran a hand through his smooth dark brown hair and got out of bed. He felt the urge to get out of the house. Being alone with his thoughts was not doing anything to help his resolve. He showered and dressed for the day. His mind weighed heavy and drifted to one thing soley. The nagging feeling got to him and Eli could not silence the voice in his head. He was alone, he would be for a few hours. No one was around at all. This was very rare and Eli decided to take advantage of that. He looked at himself in the mirror before leaving his house. His hair fell in his face and he pushed it aside and sighed heavily. This trip may have been futile but Eli figured it was worth a try.

It was a hot day out. Eli wore his usual black clothing and he felt as if he were roasting. It was quiet today, not many people were out at this time. Most had been at work or school but Eli had bigger things to tend to than something as trivial as school. Eli cursed under his breath as he realized Immy still had Morty. Things had gotten so out of hand he wasn't able to get his car back. It was a minor setback. He was determined to make good on his agenda for the day. He hailed a cab once he hit the busier city streets. He climbed in the back seat and told the driver where to go. Eli sank back into the faux leather seat. His head rested against the top. He was not sure why his nerves were getting the best of him. He fiddled with his silver and black rings as the cab crept closer and closer to where he needed to be. Eli shut his eyes momentarily. His eyes flicked open just in time to see the large building as it came into view. He breathed in and out. The cab came closer and soon there were only a few feet between them. "Alright, here we are kid," the taxi driver said to him. Eli mumbled a quick thank you and paid his fare and got out of the car. He slammed the door closed and it pulled awa. Eli stood in place afraid to move past this stage.

He licked his lips and rubbed along his jaw with the back of his hand. He hated everything about this place already. He wondered how far the cab had gotten. He turned to look behind him. Naturally the taxi was nowhere to be found. He shook his head at his own cowardice. Eli squared his shoulders and marched ahead. He walked up the ramp and through the glass doors. Instantly his ears started to ring. The fluorescent lights were much to bright and the smell and sounds of hurried voices made Eli feel like screaming. This was too much and every cell in his body was urging him to turn back the way he came and bail. _No!_, he reprimanded himself. _You are not running away from this_. Eli knew his inside voice was right even though it was extremely stern. If this were him, he'd want someone there. He nodded quickly to himself and walked over to the directory. Given the event that took place, Eli knew automatically where to go. "Sixth floor," he said softly to himself. Eli looked around himself. He felt as if someone he knew would find him here. He shrugged the feeling off and headed for the elevators. As one arrived, Eli stepped in happy for the momentary break from the main floor. He watched the numbers light up for each floor. It seemed it would never be time for six to make its debut. His heart began to race in anticipation of it all.

The audible ring of the elevator made Eli's heart skip a beat. The doors opened to a stark white hallway. He stepped out and looked to his left and to his right. Eli felt so alone here. It was a huge contrast from the fast pace of the first floor. He scanned the area and walked to the desk that stood in the middle. There was a woman behind the counter. She wore navy blue scrubs and was typing away at the computer in front of her. She didn't seem to hear or see Eli as he approached for she tensed up when he called out to her. "Good morning," he said. He knew he used a normal tone but in the silence it felt as if he were shouting. "Oh, good morning, how can I help you?" she questioned. "I'd like to see Fitz..gerald...," Eli cleared his throat. "I'd like to see Mark Fitzgerald." It felt foreign on Eli's tongue to call him by his full name. The woman behind the desk simply nodded, ignoring his slight flub. She typed in Fitz's name into her computer. "He's in the last door on your right, straight down this hall," she said pointing behind her. Eli's gaze followed after. "Thank you." He started to walk away. "Such a shame," she had said. Eli stopped in his tracks and spun around on the heels of his shoes. "Pardon me? I don't think I caught that...sorry." His eyebrows bunched together in confusion. "I said it's such a shame. He's been in here for two days and you're his first visitor. I was growing worried for him. But I see that he does have at least one friend in this world."

Eli was speechless. He stood with his mouth agape while he just blinked multiple times. Her words left him without any. He swallowed back a dry feeling that crept in his throat and Eli was only able to muster at half smile. He turned back and walked in the direction the receptionist had pointed out. His heart was heavy in his chest. _His family didn't even come for him? Not his brothers...his stepdad?_ Eli knew things were difficult at home for Fitz but he could not have imagined they would be this rough that not a single member of his family would come for him in this obvious time of need. Eli shook the thought was he neared closer to Fitz's room. He was nervous but with the words of the receptionist still ringing in his ears, he pushed open the door.

The scene before him was enough to make him feel the need to drop to his knees. Eli put a hand over his mouth as he took it all in. There Fitz laid helpless on the hospital bed. He had numerous tubes connected to his body. The only sound to fill the room was the beeping of the heart monitor that was attached to Fitz. Tears started to fill in Eli's eyes. There was no way he could have prepared himself for this. He was frozen at the door, afraid to move any closer. He struggled to maintain a normal breathing pattern. Eli wiped away the tears that made it over the rims of his eyes. Something inside of him willed him to step closer. His feet seemed to be moving on their own accord. This whole scene felt surreal. Eli made it to Fitz's bedside. He gripped the white rails that enclosed him. He stared down at Fitz's body and face. He was as white as a ghost, his head was bandaged with heavy amounts of tan gauze. He closed his eyes hoping to will it away but it was to no avail. Eli felt weak as his legs started to give. He clambered to the single seat on the other side of Fitz's bed. He sat in silence for a while, unsure of what to think let alone say.

He opened his mouth an decided to let the words flow on their own. "I'm so sorry that it's come to this," he said. Eli was surprised at how heavy the regret was in his voice. He knew it shouldered some of them blame but now seeing Fitz in the fight for his life...it made the regret just that much harder to deal with. "I never thought this would happen. I never would have guessed...but then again, that's what happens when people don't ask question. A simple 'How are you today?' could make the world of a difference...could even save a life. I hate knowing that there isn't anything I can do to help you. I wish I could be there. You and I...it's no secret eye don't see eye to eye. I'm not sure there are two people on this planet who argue as much as us...but that doesn't change the fact that I wish things could be better. You don't deserve this. You shouldn't be clinging on to life...you shouldn't have wanted to end it all. None of this is right. How did we all get so fucked up? When did things get to be this complicated? Will they ever be the same again?" Eli stopped himself. He was becoming hysterical and more tears were threatening to escape.

Eli shook his head as the pain started to become too much. "What scares me most is knowing that you almost succeeded. Everyone is so scared for you...myself included. Clare is...she's not doing so well. That's a bit of an understatement. This whole thing, it's messed everyone up. I wonder when we all reached our breaking point...Monday was such a mess. And now everyone is screwed up and unhappy. It kills me, Fitz. Especially seeing you now. I know why you did this...and to be honest...I can't say that I blame you. I myself have thought about ending it all. I wish had had the guts to sometimes. I just keeping hoping that one day I will cut deep enough to shut off the pain for good. But I have one reason for staying...ironically it's your reason for wanting to leave." Eli rested his head against the chair and sighed. "I can't let her go, Fitz. I know you love her...I know you do. And if I'm being honest with myself, I know that you could be a good fit for her. But I cannot lose her. She's the world to me..." he said sitting upright again. "I hope you will understand that someday. You will find the love you are looking for. As strange and probably fucked up as it sounds...I'm a bit glad you can't hear me. But I feel good knowing that I've said these words to you. Sometimes I think you and I could actual be friends...but the matter of Clare would forever be our downfall. She needs to be happy. I'm trying my hardest to be brave for her but it is killing me. I'm not as strong as I make myself out to be. I think everyone is seeing it now, and to be honest I don't mind..."

It was oddly comforting to Eli to say these words aloud. He needed to get them off his chest. He looked over to Fitz who was laying motionless. Eli studied his face. Fitz had looked like a child. Gone was the permanent scowl that was always etched on his lips. His face was relaxed and serene. He could see now what Clare seemed to always see in him. Fitz did not seem as tough as he always perceived him to be. In this moment he was just a boy in need of a chance at life.


End file.
